By Mx Pucks A'Plenty
Fat representation is crucial, period. It challenges the traditional beauty standards that have long been upheld in mainstream media and society, which do find their way into kink and BDSM spaces. By showcasing diverse body types, including Fat bodies, we continue to help normalize and celebrate the beauty of all shapes and sizes. This not only promotes inclusivity, but also empowers individuals to embrace and love their bodies just as they are. This is why Fat Con, based in Seattle, Washington, was created.
“Events like Fat Con make sure that the needs of Fat folks are actually taken into account through having spaces and content curated specifically for them that address the structural and societal barriers we face,” said Viking.
Fat Con is on a mission to improve the lives of Fat Humans through art, health, public policy, and community outreach. By improving visibility and uplifting the voices of people of size, we don't seek acceptance, we seek Fat Liberation. Fat Con could have very easily shied away from sex and kink, but chose to embrace it. Featuring close to 60 hours worth of programming throughout our inaugural event, we had many workshops and panels that were focused on sex and kink, including a rope class sponsored by Twisted Monk.
For years I have heard fellow Fat folks lament about how they wanted to try rope bondage, but anti-Fat bias would rear its ugly head. Whether it be a rope top saying “No Fatties Allowed” or their own internalized fatphobia, accessing rope bondage and engaging with it could feel unobtainable for Fat folks. While in the planning phase of programming for Fat Con, I put out a personal call for Fat rope instructors, and we lucked out royally with Viking answering the call.
As soon as folks found out we would be offering both a hands on intro to rope tying workshop and a live rope suspension demonstration, our social media feed lit up with folks expressing not only how excited they were, but how much they wanted workshops like this. Just the announcement of Fat centered rope fostered a sense of community and belonging that rippled throughout our social media feed. For many people, especially those who have been marginalized or discriminated against because of their weight, seeing themselves, their desires, needs, and wants being embraced and catered to can be incredibly validating. I knew that we could provide not only the space where individuals could feel accepted, but a facilitator who understood and celebrated them for who they are, without judgment or prejudice.
“Fat bodies are not treated equally in the world,” Viking said, “Fat Con provides a space that allows us to unapologetically celebrate ourselves surrounded by cheerleaders who are on the same team.”
The attendees of the rope 101 class were shy and curious in the beginning. Leading with a lot of thoughtful questions and engaged in the learning process. Once Viking got them going they quickly picked up on the material. In the moment it was as if they were given permission to explore, play, and be silly. The sound of giggling and laughing in the space was infectious. When the attendees found out they could take the rope they were using with them, their excitement was notable.
We partnered with TTM because they are a business that is also interested in challenging stereotypes, stigmas, and discrimination associated with fatness, especially in kink and BDSM spaces. As part of that partnership, TTM donated locally handcrafted rope for panel attendees to use and take home.
"Since Twisted Monk's beginnings 20 years ago, it has been at the heart of our ethics as a company to prove to everyone who has been told "You are too ____ to fly" that that is, well, bullshit,” Rose with Twisted Monk said, “Rope is for EVERY BODY: old, young, skinny, fat, POC, differently abled, etc. Fat Con is a natural ally in this mission, and we were thrilled to offer them our support."
“I've been wanting to play with rope for a long time and generally felt pretty shut out of those spaces due to my size,” an attendee shared, “I've been really enjoying connecting with my partners and myself using the rope Twisted Monk gifted to the class participants.”
As folks arrived early to get a seat for the performance demo panel, the energy was different. Rows of chairs were pulled in closer so that the attendees could feel like they were part of the experience. There was an intimacy to the experience as well. As Viking talked through the live demo, you could see the wave of emotions from attendees in understanding, recognition, and empathy. “15 years ago and 100 pounds lighter I was told I was too fat to do rope with, to suspend...” Viking shared as they tied their demo bottom. By the end of the live demo there were many tears and an outpouring of gratitude, it was beautiful to witness.
The description of the live rope demo definitely had me in my own feels when I read it while working with our Programming Director. “Trusting someone to handle your body with care and confidence so you can lean in and let go is not something one is inclined to do while fat. Rope bondage is for everybody and through a live demonstration of rope suspension, you will not only witness the power and strength of letting go, but you will see how beautiful it is to fly while fat.” Being able to let go and be vulnerable aren’t historically actions Fat folks can engage in and feel safe, seen, and held. We got to create a space for this exploration, and it was beautiful.
“How to tie fat bodies feels like an afterthought in rope classes, and speaking up when a tie does not work on your body can be intimidating when you are the only fat one in the class,” Viking shared, “It is important to have classes that allow for open and honest discussions about individual experiences in rope and finding solutions. You don’t often see fat people in rope online and seeing it in person makes you feel like a part of the norm rather than an outlier. Rope is for every body!”
The audience reaction to seeing another Fat person thrive in rope and teach highlights why Fat representation is so important. It challenges stereotypes, confronts external and internal biases, and, frankly, promotes diversity, inclusivity, empowerment, and social change. It is not enough for rope instructors to say that their workshops are welcoming to Fat bodies, they must acknowledge the anti-Fatness in rope, kink, and BDSM spaces. Making rope accessible is beyond the mechanics and skills. Truly it is about how welcoming the instructor is, the culture of inclusion, working towards a more equitable way of providing rope education such as providing modifications without being prompted or even being able to recommend Fat rope bondage content and accounts for students to follow.
What Viking provided during Fat Con weekend was an opportunity for individuals to become inspired and wrap themselves with love, acceptance, and empowerment. Never underestimate the power of play and helping folks gain access and knowledge.
Mx. Pucks A’Plenty "The They They, Yas Queen of Burlesque"! Pucks is the founder co-producer behind What the Funk?! An All BIPOC Burlesque Festival. You make have seen them in Revry TV's Submission Possible or read about them in the South Seattle Emerald, KUOW, Seattle Met Magzine, The Stranger, and Seattle Gay News. Mx. Pucks is the Femme Daddy your Mother didn't know to warn you about who is currently #17 on the TOP 50 Most Influential Burlesque Figures List by 21st Century Burlesque Magazine.
When they aren’t burlesquin’, Pucks is a sex educator and activist. They are the 2022 recipient of the AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) Audiovisual Award. You can catch them on Instagram under @_sexuali.tea_ as co-host to an intersectional sex education podcast with a mission to ‘queer up’ sex ed or check out their pleasure lifestyle IG @thehedonistrealist. They also run the FemDom lifestyle group Diadem-Events which features play parties, workshops, high protocol teas, and socials. They have taught at KinkFest, Leather Reign, Virtual Intimacy Retreat 3, The Gathering NW, the BDSM Writers' Con, and Thrive Conference. They have been a guest speaker at Brown University, Planned Parenthood of New York, Lewis & Clark College, and the University of Washington. Pucks is Black, Queer, Nonbinary femme raising a kiddo in the suburbs with their service daddy and their sub. This polyamorous human is an active sex worker activist and is one of the National Co-Coordinators for #OldProProject.